A little Barred Dove managed to get into the warehouse at work today… well, we found him today – he might have been inside all weekend for all I know. Doves and their kin are all incredibly stupid birds, so turning off the lights and opening the roll-up door did nothing to persuade him to go outside. He just sat up in the diagonal bracing near the ceiling and made these pathetic cries. If left to his own devices, he would stay up high until he died of starvation or dehydration. The concept of going down is completely alien to their tiny minds.
I got out the rubber bands and a stainless steel ruler and tried shooting him with rubber bands, using the ruler as a “barrel”. This was highly inaccurate and I hit him maybe one out of ten tries. I tried escalating to fat rubber bands, but these were too heavy and had too much air resistance to reach him way up near the warehouse ceiling. Sweeping up the rubber bands, I chased him around the warehouse a while with the forklift. The lift is not giant robot fast, so it was ineffective.
I began psyops on him. Getting out the Sure Fire, I flashed the light in his eyes at the fastest frequency my thumb could operate the momentary switch. This annoyed him! He shook his head and clawed at his face with his feet! I hoped that maybe he’d have a Pokey-man seizure and fall to the floor, dead. No such luck. I searched for the warehouse heat gun to make him uncomfortable, but couldn’t find it. Where is Active Denial System when you need it!
I managed to find some electrical conduit from an old lamp and fashioned a blowgun from it. I made a paper dart and balled up the end like a tiny little boxing glove. The hit rate was well above 90%, and I quickly had him beaten down and tired out. At one point I lost the dart and had to make another one. At this point I was just fed up with the whole thing. I built the second one with paper clip wire for a point. I was intent on just taking him OUT. This dart missed and stuck irretrievably in the ceiling insulation. Kuso!
He retreated deep into the warehouse and alit on one of Ckucke’s pallets. I got a feather duster to chase him back to the front of the warehouse, but actually ended up smacking him unconscious. He fell from the third-tier pallet to the floor bouncing between the pallets like a super-bouncy-ball between an open door and the wall behind! He was quickly put in custody in a paper ream box and escorted off the property.
I dumped him outside in the landscaping planter. I figured that at quitting time, he’d either be gone, or become a ball of ants. After deciding to write this, I went outside to take a picture, and he was still there. He had apparently recovered, since he suddenly up and flew away.
When I left to go home, he was lingering about the parking lot, still letting out those pathetic cries. Mom was nowhere in sight. I didn’t see him this morning.
0 Responses to “Rats with Wings”